Adam Sandler - The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions текст песни

And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college.

[Dean:] Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations

on your upcoming graduation and I understand

you are interested in matriculating here in the fall.

[Buffoon:] I got a snake, man!

[Dean:] Yes, pets are welcome here on campus.

Be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional reptile.

[Buffoon:] One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way and that!

It was all fucked up!

[Dean:] I'm sure it was.

Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students

and pets here on campus.

[Buffoon:] Fuckin' Shit!

[Dean:] Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy.

So tell me a little bit more about your background.

[Buffoon:] My father's a fucking asshole, man!

[Dean:] Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son.

[Buffoon:] My mother's a piece of shit too!

[Dean:] Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility

over the summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed

and ready to learn.

[Buffoon:] My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man!

She had her head way up her ass!

[Dean:] Well the quality of the faculty at a University

such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high school.

[Buffoon:] Your secretary's a real fat bitch, man!

[Dean:] Yes, she's tried many diets over the years with minimal success.

[Buffoon:] I had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!

[Dean:] Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug,

never a pleasurable experience.

So have you given any thought to your choice of major?

[Buffoon:] I've got a big fucking boner right now.

[Dean:] I see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods

of nervous tension. I do not take offense.

[Buffoon:] One time I ate my neighbors shit!

[Dean:] That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you.

We'll be sending you our decision by the end of the month.

[Buffoon:] I bet you got really hairy balls.

[Dean:] Yes, it's a veritable forest down there. Bye bye.